Me on Me

Last week have been such a tough week for me. I was challenged both physically and mentally. I trained 5x last week and it resulted in me hurting my wrists. On top of that, my body was just so tired. Then, I had few problems with a few people around me. You see, when you're so tired, you just can't seem to cope so well in life and you can only take things to a certain limit.

1. You can't please everyone. Last week, I realised I can never please everyone in life. No matter how hard I work hard at the gym, there will always be people attacking me. One of the problem I was facing was I was called fat. I can never accept people calling me fat. Some people are just way too shallow and attacking people without really understanding the concept of human body. From being called fat, I was so furious and I started swearing. Swearing is something I do when I'm super mad. This is 1 problem that I always have trouble with changing. I guess I'm so used to it that it becomes 2nd nature to me. So I swore and it offended someone. I didn't mean to offend that person but I was super mad over what he said. He said to me he doesn't understand me, I shouldn't have done that, blablabla.... Basically he pointed his finger at me and made me feel like I have always been wrong. Truthfully speaking, he did some mistakes and I have forgiven him for his mistakes. It's just so unfair that someone could be so selfish and cruel and put people down like that yet doesn't notice it. What I learnt is that, you can never please everyone. Do what makes you happy. Do what you think is right. Screw everyone who is negative cos you don't need to live surrounding yourself with negativity!

2. No social life. After working out hardcore, I just don't have any social life. By the time I finish my gym sessions, my body basically tells me I need to rest. For me, going to the gym is an addiction. I train 5x a week, 2-3 hours each gym session. If I don't go to the gym, my body will get super mad. I am addicted!

3. Speak out. One of the problem with me is that, I keep my problems to myself. I don't talk to people about it and that at times ends up with me hurting myself. Last week, I could've shared my tears and fears with people I love the most, but I chose to shut myself up. Sometimes I just don't want to reach out a hand and I just end up hurting myself ...

4. I miss my parents. My parents have been gone for few weeks and they'll be back this Friday. I seriously can't wait! I really miss the love, care and support from my parents!

5. Love myself more. This is something that is very hard for me to do. I can never love myself. I always feel like, I'm not special. I realise all these beatings from going to the gym 5x a week, sometimes I feel sorry for my body who is working so hard and instead of finishing the day with a relaxed and healthy mind, I find myself surrounded with negativity. I really should push them negativity away but instead, I chose to deal with it.


This week really is a reflection week for me. I just have to stop and think of loving myself even more. I'm tired. My feelings are hurt. I'm not the usual happy me ... :'(